Divorce counselling UK - advice for child of separation

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Divorce counselling is a difficult, but very important job.

It’s a sad but necessary recognition that separation of two people can have a traumatic effect on every member of the family and particularly the children.

Even when it is accepted that divorce the best option for all, the pain experienced by the child watching their parents part, and then being separated themselves from one parent (even for short times), can be intense.

Perhaps surprisingly, the age when it is often most difficult for children to deal with the separation of their parents is adolescence. But despite the teenager's focus on self and personal independence they can be struck heavily with feelings of loss, guilt and anger when their parents divorce.

It’s not impossible to find a path through the difficult times but sometimes independent help is necessary. Children, young and older, may be helped to re-adjust to the new situation and may in the end find some relief in the reduced levels of conflict at home.

However, it’s not just children who may need help through a divorce, of course. In fact, divorce counselling in general is a difficult and important job – and one increasingly in demand as divorce rates rise.

One of the less predictable modern phenomena is a documentedincrease in divorce rates among older couples. Its not clear whether it is a growing independence in middle aged women, greater financial and employment security, or or associated with changes in health and longevity, but people a separating more in their mature years, often when their children leave home. Surprisingly there are also quite a few separations at retirement age when traditionally older people expected to settle down together to live out their "golden years".

Such separations are often a surprise not only to children, but often they can be a complete surprise to a spouse, particularly if the problems relate to infidelity or sexual issues which might not have been discussed for years.

There is a French saying that in a relationship, one person loves while the other allows him/herself to be loved: it might be often be said of divorce that one person leaves while the other must allow him/herself to be left.

Whatever the age and economic status of the couple, divorce is can be a difficult and painful event and although it may add to the expense of an already expensive process, divorce counselling may help to make it easier to bear.

The may bring much needed communication, understanding and confidence to individuals and make it easier for both to face independent or different lives.

Divorce/marriage counsellors can be found through the link at the top of this page, in telephone directories, through Internet searches and through the major UK counselling organisations.

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